awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
