Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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