how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
should my penis look like a turkey
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
try to milk me bitch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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