i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
