Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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