I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize