Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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