If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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