want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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