my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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