dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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