I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
