New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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