Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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