I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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