I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
