yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
