Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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