I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
