Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
