I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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