does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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