MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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