And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
