I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
