So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
