great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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