first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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