awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
