I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
