i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They have beer where we have blood.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
