Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We need to get me chipped asap
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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