dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you traded sex for a burrito?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
