NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize