Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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