Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize