I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
we should paint friendship bongs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
