Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
