Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
