K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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