where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
