what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
