You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My bed smells like the plague
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
