Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
