I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
