well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
vagina is talking i cant
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
