why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
