Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
