You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was confusing and full of hummus
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
