I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize