hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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