i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
