Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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