Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
