Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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