I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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