I hate your face
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize