Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
