Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
