YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
