He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
