If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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