evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
