i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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