my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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