just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
