Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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