So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
