just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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