some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
