I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
