He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am one with the molecules
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
we should paint friendship bongs
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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