i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
