Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love you. Go after that dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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