We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So many bounce houses so little time
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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