Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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