I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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