fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
