at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
