I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
