sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
